Haunted Inside
by EsmeAmelia
Summary: Even after Han is dead, Kylo Ren still feels the pull to the light.


AN: Everyone knows I don't own Star Wars. This was written as a birthday give for a Kylo Ren-loving friend – hope she likes it!

"Haunted Inside"

By EsmeAmelia

The pain was supposed to be gone.

Kylo Ren knelt in front of his grandfather's mask as he had done many times before, his breath heavy and labored, his hands trembling. "Grandfather, forgive me," he whispered. The mask's black eyes gave a distorted reflection of his pale, haggard face with the newly-scarred eye. "I'm not as strong as I should be. I keep feeling the pull . . . even now."

Sweat was building up on his forehead despite the chill in his quarters. Why did he still feel the pull when Han Solo was dead? Killing Han Solo was supposed to _end_ the pain.

"Grandfather, I need your guidance." A bead of sweat trickled down his face. "I still feel him. He's dead, but I still feel him." His mouth shook, his lips not wanting to form the words for fear that uttering them would give them further control over him. "Han Solo . . ."

As soon as the words escaped, his head started spinning. He blinked at the mask, struggling to keep it in focus, though in his mind's eye there was his father's horrified face as the lightsaber pierced his body.

 _No,_ he thought ferociously, grinding his teeth in determination. _You are DEAD!_

"Help me, Grandfather," he begged in a broken voice. "Give me the strength of the dark side."

The mask only stared back in complete silence.

"HELP ME!"

Han Solo gasping as the lightsaber was yanked out, struggling to cling to a few more moments of life, using his very last bit of strength to reach, reach, reach . . .

"Grandfather, PLEASE!"

Still there was silence – at least in the real world. In Kylo's mind came a whisper in the darkness: a whisper gradually increasing in intensity until it hammered against his skull.

" _Ben . . ."_

Kylo's fists slammed down on the floor. "No . . ." he muttered, "no, no, you're not here . . ."

" _Ben . . ."_

Kylo's breath came out in snarls. "GO AWAY!"

" _Ben . . ."_

His back arched like an animal as a scream pushed its way out of his mouth.

" _Ben . . ."_

"YOU'RE NOT HERE!"

The mask stared lifelessly as Kylo's body sprawled out on the floor, gasping like a dying man. "I killed you . . . I killed you . . . I killed you . . . you're gone . . ."

" _I know . . ."_

The voice in his mind spoke without any resentment as if it were simply acknowledging a fact, yet the words burned the inside of his skull. "No . . . no . . ."

" _Ben . . ."_

There was a sudden warmth on his right cheek – intangible and faint, but there, as if something without substance was touching him.

Like Han Solo's final touch.

He slapped his own hand over his cheek as if that would banish the intrusive memory of Han Solo's dying action. "No . . ." His voice was reduced to a whisper now. "No . . . it was supposed to be over now . . ."

" _Ben, you can still come home . . ."_

"NO!"

" _Your mother still misses you . . ."_

Kylo clenched his teeth, desperately trying to drive away the warmth on his cheek. Mother, there was no mother – and no father either. The weak, pathetic son they loved was gone.

He was _gone._

Gone like Han Solo.

" _You don't have to do this, Ben . . ."_

He cried out again. "GO AWAY! YOU'RE DEAD!"

" _I still love you, Ben. I always will . . ."_

"GO _AWAY!"_

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, jolting Kylo back to the real world. "Lord Ren," came Hux's voice, "Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to speak with you."

Kylo sucked in his breath as if gasping for air after nearly drowning. Snoke. Snoke would fix this. Snoke would make him strong enough to banish the voice forever.

After all, Snoke made him strong enough to destroy Han Solo.

The voice would leave soon.

It had to.

He took a deep breath as he got to his feet, smoothing out his hair. "Tell the Supreme Leader I'll be right there." His voice came out low and even, betraying no hint of his distress.

As he made his way to the door, he concentrated on harnessing the dark side and forgetting all about the voice.

But he couldn't eliminate the warmth on his cheek.

THE END


End file.
